This month was fun. I went to comic con (with my dad, like a loser, because my friend ditched me) dressed as ryan ross. I actually saw someone who follows me on twitter there. They were dressed as chris chan, with the medallion and everything. Normal people on panic twt for sure.

We went to a panel about writing horror, which was really interesting. Every author there was female and write emotional/catharsis driven horror which I personaly like better than stereotypical male horror (not that there aren't plenty of male horror authors who also do that). I thought it was worth pointing out how every author there said that they base their stories on personal traumas and use it as a tool for dealing with their own fears. Which is exactly where all my story ideas come from too. My characters are all the worst parts of myself combined with some spice thrown in, and the main conflicts are fanciful versions of the things I worry about every day.

Speaking of my ocs, I FINALLY came up with an ending for my comic. Bianca and dizzy are in for some ummm fun things, trust me. I'm not sure if anyone else will find it a satisfying conclusion, it's actually purposefully depressing and unsatisfying, because life is depressing and unsatisfying. But let's not get too existential. I have been feeling extreme, crippling existential dread lately. Which might have been a motivator for finally finishing this story. I'm excited to finish the outline so I can actually start drawing the damn comic. Once my panic at the disco hyperfixation dies down that is, if it ever does.

On a happier note, I got tickets to WWWY :^) don't even fucking ask how much that cost. I'm so excited to see panic (well, just brendon... but dont let me complain) live and meet some people from panic twt. Hopefully none of them end up being serial killers.

I also just want to yap about how happy I am that ryan has made a tiny comeback this year, one concert last november and another in february! Maybe he'll finally get around to releasing those new (old) songs... but probably not. I got to watch his appearance at the phantom planet concert in february KIND OF live, thanks to marvpay livestreaming it on instagram. Sounds lame but it was really fun, the concert was like 4 hours and i joined a group chat to talk to everyone else watching it. I swear to god alex and z know what they're doing, they were teasing ryan's appearance so bad. They even said he'd be on 2 songs on the setlist but had him come on for the last 5 fucking seconds of one. However I can't complain too much because it was him, dallon, and alex performing do the panic, which is just too fitting. Also got to see some classic stage gay, he just can't help himself even at age 38 apparently. His voice was so pretty on the song he sang with alex, and overall it was just great because I love phantom planet. Frankly some of the people in that group chat were huge complainers like.. just enjoy the music and stop whining about how ryan isn't on yet. And unfortunately I heard a lot of the people who went to the concert irl were like that too.

Also, my parents are putting the pressure on me to pick a college. I really want us to move for my last year of high school because my entire family hates it here and I don't want to be stuck going to college in washington. And frankly we just can't afford to live here. I don't know if i can convince them though. I probably shouldnt get my hopes up but ive been dreaming about living somewhere where i don't know everyone my age, where there's actually things to do except get blackout drunk in the woods, and where the population isn't 3/4ths senior citizens. I really feel like I'm wasting my last years of having no responsibilities by sitting inside all day, meanwhile my best friend in the whole world lives across the country from me and she goes out partying, wandering the city, or exploring every day with her friends. It's hard not to be jealous. But hey, my life's not so bad, I shouldn't complain I guess. I'm just depressed and I'll always find something to be upset about.

ONE LAST THING to complain about. I hate twitter fob fans oh my god. why is it controvserial to say that pete wentz is not a good person for abusing a teenage girl. you would think in 2025 this would be widely accepted but when i say that youd think i broke into their houses and killed their families. I think half of fob twt has me blocked at this point. They either deny it or justify it, it's really like talking to a brick wall. But i doubt anyone here wants to hear about that.