Evil celebrities and why you should never idolize artists: My pointless angry thoughts on the matter

I'm already a hypocrite after that first line because I'm very guilty of mythologizing people who make things I love and even falling in love with them in a weird, parasocial way. Especially male artists, which is weird because I can barely tolerate the presence of men in real life. Maybe I like them because they seem so different from most guys I know (as in, they have an ounce of soul and personality, and they at least pretend to care about things).

But the point is, I'm trying to be better about it. Especially after this particularly dissapointing few months of revalations that actually, most "soulful, artistic" guys I look up to are pretty morally bankrupt. Exhibit A being Neil Gaiman and his psychotic bitch ex-wife Amanda Palmer. Honestly maybe most artist are (maybe most people are). At this point it feels stupid to even care given how many of them have skeletons in their closet, not to mention the people that ignore those skeletons and associate with them anyway. But Gaiman's case is just so horrifyingly awful that it really got to me and made me realize how much these constant nasty shocks feel like personal betrayals. And of course it made me all existential about what the hell anyone can even do about this.

Most of the situations I hear about are less outright sadistic than that but they still hurt. For example, Pete Wentz from FOB. This is old news, after all it was 20 years ago, and it gets me nothing but insults and long-suffering sighs whenever I bring it up but here I go again anyway. I love Fall Out Boy so much and I have since elementary school. This guy feels taylor-made to be my biggest idol. He wrote the lyrics to half my favorite songs. But I just can't stand him, or any of his friends, knowing about his past actions. The first photos of him and his ex are from when she was 17 and he was 24. She was a vulnerable, severely mentally ill and obsessive young girl straight out of high school who I guess he decided was a suitable partner. And then he acted surprised when she acted "crazy" (read: like a hormonal teenage girl) and publically belittled and bullied her for it. His fans harassed her all the time and I don't really think he defended her. He cheated on her constantly and while she did too, again, who was the adult in this situation??? Who should have known better?? There's interviews from the 2000s where he brags about how "the crazy girls are always the best" and calls her his "teenage muse". He jokes about how he has scars on his hands from punching in car windows while she cried during fights with her, even said he crashed his car while arguing with her once and got so mad he punched the officer who stopped him after. Yes, I know he was going through a lot back then but the way people jump to defend him at any opportunity pisses me off. The things I've heard people say about his ex even today are insane, and this is coming from people who would identify as progressive and even feminist. I've heard people say it was all okay because he was "mentally younger". I've heard people call her "the crazy bitch who ruined his life". Are you serious?? They probably wouldn't tolerate this behavior from any other guy but because he writes good music its just water under the bridge. This girl has done interviews in the past few years where she talks about how this relationship, and his manipulativeness while she was at her most vulnerable, fucked up her life permanantly and contributed to decades of drug addiction and suicide attempts. Meanwhile he is succesful and rich surrounded by fans and friends, many of whom were around for all of that and saw no problem with it. It was common knowledge among fans back then and he again, posted constantly about this relarionship and bragged about it in interviews where no comments were made about how predatory it seems. And now he and his friends have the nerve to call out the same behavior from their contemporaries now that its not cool anymore. Which honestly, if he's truly changed and knows its wrong, I'm glad and I don't want anyone to have to live with their past mistakes forever. It's just the fact that this is all swept under the rug and his fans treat him like a sweet angel who can do no wrong while his ex is viewed as an evil psycho who has some vendetta against him (which frankly she deserves to).

Another similar one that sticks with me is Julian Koster from Neutral Milk Hotel. Another one of my favorite bands. Julian may not have been the driving force but he was an essential part. Goddamnit, he's a whimsical, scrawny, unnasuming hobo who wears a cartoonish floppy hat everywhere. I used to think he was some kind of fairy misplaced in the human world. He plays a singing saw for christ's sake. But what was he up to while he was in the band? Luring a vulnerable, lonely 15-year-old transgender girl to leave her family behind and come with them on their bohemian traveling circus, where naturally he wanted one thing from her and not much else. And the worst part is the frontman Jeff, a guy who I consider a true genius and personal hero, knew, even asked her directly what was going on, and didn't do anything. Yet another case of spineless male artists standing by and letting their friends take advantage of young girls right in front of them cause they don't want the fun to end. At least in this case she ended up happy and living with people who actually care about her and, as far as I can tell, hasn't gotten much harassment from NMH fans.

Lastly I gotta talk about the allegations against Neil Gaiman. I'll admit I've never been a fan of his books and didn't know much about him before this, so I won't say much about him other than that he is a unique example of a truly sadistic and evil psychopath who should be in jail for life.
However, I DO know his ex-wife, Amanda Palmer. Not that I had glowing feelings about her, but she's tied to a lot of things I care about. Her art is truly impressive, the topics she covers hit close to home, and her fashion and aesthetic sensibilities are exactly my tastes. I used to love her side project, Evelyn Evelyn, despite its many problems. Her band, the Dresden Dolls, even toured with Panic! at the Disco and she got to know Ryan Ross pretty well. I mean come on, how could I not respect her at least a little bit?
Most of all I've always been interested in her mythologized story of fan-funded projects and extremely close community who are emotionally invested in her and her work and who she interacts with directly on social media. She also preaches constantly about the expectations for and unfair treatment of women in society, publically identifying herself and he ex-husband as "feminists". (Many such cases.) She writes music that gets to people's souls, about things like self-image, not being taken seriously, and of course abuse. She talks constantly about how fans come to her with stories of suicides, assaults, loss of family members, and every other depressing thing you can think of, and brags about how she's such a great shoulder to cry on. Her whole life philosophy is that there should be no lines between fans, friends, and of course sexual interests, and that she's very, very willing to accept free labor, supplies, and emotional validation from people who are much less well-off than she is.
If that sounds like a bunch of red flags, it should, but I'm dumb.
Of course, she's never been controversy free. I mean, she faked her fucking suicide and recorded her boyfriend finding her "body" for a project that she published. She wrote a sympathetic song about a school shooter. She has no boundaries whatsoever with her fans in a way that seems cool when you're 12 but would be horrifying to most mature adults with jobs. But like I said, her art appeals to vulnerable people who probably don't have support in their lives. Or people to advise against, you know... just off the top of my head... agreeing to move in with a woman you met on the street while you were homeless, becoming her live-in nanny for free, being completely dependent on her, and assuming she has your best interests at heart just because you like the songs she makes. Yes that is really something Amanda allowed. And she also allowed said girl to be sadistically abused by her ex-husband despite admitting that many women have told her about his deranged and evil behavior. And when it got to be too much and said girl finally stood up for herself, Amanda threw her out in the cold without any help and refused to cooperate with her case against Gaiman. Ugh, and her fucking condescending text to her afterward saying something like "I can't give you exactly what you want right now but I'm here for you, know this" ...SPARE ME, AMANDA.
She is a perfect example of someone who is so desperate for attention and love from other people that she burns through it like fuel and tosses the empty husks of her dependents to the side when she's done. She clearly doesn't care at all how her actions affect other people. Unfortunately this trait is all-too-common in artists, especially those of Amanda's variety. And it puts a stain on everything she's ever created and anyone who's ever associated with her. She's a part of so many different communities of artists and an inspiration and source of emotional solace for so many people. No matter how questionable I find the choice to look up to her, no one expects something like this. No one expects an outspoken feminist woman who's been abused herself to allow and explicitly enable the repeated abuse and torture of girls and women by her husband.

It cuts like a knife because it reminds you, like I keep saying, how common this kind of behavior is, and how many enablers and bystanders it takes to allow it to happen for so long. Who knows how many well-liked musicians and artists are like this behind the scenes and how many others wouldn't say anything if they knew about it. Why do I emotionally invest myself in any celebrity? The majority of people in this world are immoral, so why would artists be any different? With the case of Gaiman its pretty black-and-white, but with things like 24 year olds dating teenage girls, its as normal as can be, and it was 30 times more normal in the 2000s. Groupie culture is just a thing that everyone knows about and allows to happen. People might pretend to care about it but the reality is, most guys, if given infinite money and power, would probably sleep with girls half their age. Is it just human nature? Cause god is that depressing. Things like this make me wonder why I even bother. But all I can do is keep my own morals. I'm not perfect by any means, nor do I expect other people to be, but I just don't feel like protecting the safety of young girls is some kind of crazy puritan standard. I hope more people start to see this as a real issue and maybe actually do something about it for once.